This is a satirical video I made about the statue outside of my residence.

sexy prose

This is Sexy!

This is Sexy!

Sexy Von Valentine, a street walking, straight talking, no nonsense, suburbanite, troubador, gigolo.

He loves hard because he lives hard, and he lives hard because he's got nobody to love.

Girl: Why won't you let me in?

Michael: Shut up!

The hard life is hard to live and or love, especially when you're a lover for hire. Punching the clock on romance makes you feel empty inside.

Michael: This is isn't who I am, I'm an artist. I'm supposed to be somebody.

A somebody to love.

SEXY!

SEXY!

SEXY!

Women love him, Men love him, but can he love himself?

Mrs. Weinert: You didn't hand in your project.
Michael: What?

You know that feeling way down there, in you, he is that feeling and he makes you hungry for more. That feeling like you wanna die and then for him to die also, as if to say, I love you too.

Michael: I don't die for nobody but myself.

If you think lovin him his hard, try being his mama.

Mama: Michael why won't you let me in.

Michael: Shut up.

He fought the law and the law won but the law couldn't tame him, he was too wild.

Like a flash in the pan but a flash in the pants and this pots got sizzle. Fry that on for a size twenty nine. Love potion number 29 and these jeans are making the scene. Koo koo cachoo Mr. Sexy Pants, Joe Dimaggio woah woah woah.

Heathen Gigolo Dynamite!

His body is like fine wine and his lovin is like a finer cheese, with just enough bite to bark you up the wrong tree. Grapes of wrath eat your heart out.

Ever played a game of checkers? He'll make you twist and shout till you feel chubby.

Hard like a diamond, he's every girls best friend but at the same time he is also their worst nightmare. In the chill of the night, he'll make you sweat... HOT.

He's a Hot Tamale, but this one Raggu you're gonna wanna blow on first.

Pizza's in, it's a piece of him with too much oregano, oh no, you're gonna brush him off with your hands so that your fingers get all garlic greasy.

Sexy Von Valentine ready for action, but watch out you might only be able to handle a fraction.

Walking the line between life and death, with mortality just another dirty cheque to cash. But can he pay the price when life is a pit and a pendulum and everyone knows that you don't mean a thing if you aint got that swing.

REMIX!

using a sesame street animation I composed this little piece.

It's a movie that I made that's actually finished.

It's all about my friend Tommy and his battle with

depression.

New script

( Credits roll infront of curtain)
Tom: Hello?
Moira: Hello Tom, It's Moira.
Steve: And Steve.
Tom: Oh hey guys.
Moira: Would you be willing to come over tomorrow.
Steve: We have something we'd like to show you.
Tom: Ok.
Moira: Excellent.
Steve: Ok see you at 7.
Tom: Alright. ( Looks at phone after they hung up and hangs up. Tom on phone in a different outfit.) Hey... Lise?
Lise: Yes?
Tom: Have you been over to Steve and Moira's lately.
( Tom comes into house, there is a series of signs that lead him to the couch. He sits down. And looks at the stage. Lights go out.)
Lise: Yeah.
Tom: Do you remember them doing something odd?
Lise: Yeah.
Perry: Oh no, are you talking about that thing at Steve and Moira's?
( Moira enters the stage with a lamp as a staff.)
Moira: I am Artemis, Goddess of the Moon, goddess of the hunt. ( Steve enters,) Who dares enter the realm of Artemis?
Steve: Oh no, I meant no trespass.
Moira: ( Close Up)From now on you will only know pain! ( Points lamp at Steve who twists and writhes and takes off his shirt and then pretends to be a dear) You will sate my dogs next meal.
Tom: I'm not sure what that was supposed to be.
Steve: AAAAAAAAAAAACH!
( Close up on Tom.)
Someone Else: I think it was supposed to be a devised performance.
Al: Yeah that makes sense.
Moira: Who are you, who were you?
Steve: I was a centurion.
Moira: You were a fool!
Steve: And you were a whore!
Moira: You are a whore! That is what it is to be in Rome.
Steve: Rome is a graveyard.
Moira: Rome is a brothel.
( Close up on Tom)
Both: ROME ROME ROME CAESAR CAESAR's ROME.
( Long shot of them)
Steve: I am blind!
Moira: We are all blind.
Lise: Yeah but it had no structure at all. I mean they were doing things that didn't make sense.)
Steve: ( At desk) My summer with sally was the most interresting time I ever had. She and I had many interesting conversations. She was staying in my cottage during the summer while I was working on my novel. I never knew how much she influenced me until she went back to New York to become an Actress. ( Close up on Tom) Oh hello Sally ( Back to them)
Moira: Oh Martin, you're still writing that book. Come outside, we'll have fun talking about the trees.
Steve: Just one more chapter.
Moira: Oh you'll never appreciate my whimsy until I'm gone back to New York, and then where will you be.
Steve: Oh Sally.
Perry: Stop talking about this. I don't want to think about it anymore.
( Film noir style)
Steve: Are you she?
Moira: ( French Accent) I am she. But I may not be the she you are looking for.
Steve: You are, I know you are.
Moira: ... I do many different things for many different people. I am not sure if you are ready for what I will do for you.
Steve: I am. ( Throws voice to make a caw sound) What was that.
Moira: It was a bird, never mind. Kiss me. ( They kiss. She slaps him, they kiss. he slaps her) you're a brute.
Steve: I love you.
Mr.T: Do you think we should talk to them? I mean these are our friends. We care about them.
Moira: Poppa, ever since the war took your voice, I've been so lonely. I don't know to do. There's a boy. Oh poppa, you never could tell me about the world, I had to grow up so fast, I never got to be girl. ( Graps onto Steve's head) Poppa! Poppa! The eternal Autumn is upon us.
Ms. Linternmole: I liked it, I felt like it really connected to me and the inner drama that we all face. It was like a rainbow of human emotion.
( Close up shot of Moira looking intense and then screaming)
Lise: Ugh, the Shakespeare!
Perry: Stop talking about it.
Steve: ( Shakespeare)
Tom: What am I going to do? They want me to come over tomorrow. They're going to ask me what they thought?
Lise: Well I think you should ( Perry grabs phone and then hangs it up on, Tom)
( Tom, Steve Moira eating together.)
Steve: So what did you think?
Tom: Think of what?
Steve: Of the food.
Tom: Oh ... I like the food.
Moira: The food is marvelous Steve.
Steve: Thank you!
( They continue to eat)

Nevermind this it's not done

( A meadow, a knight enters)

Barrimore: Has there ever been such a grand entrance? Has there? In all the stories, all the tales, all the poems epic limerick and haiku “ A brave knight enters, So magnificent and bold, With strength abound... yes”, not even that. Certainly there are no songs, or plays either tragic, comic, or avant garde. You could describe it as operatic, if only I had a motif. Wait! ( Goes off stage and reenters galloping around the stage humming a fanfare.) Nothing so remarkable, nothing so momentous, nothing so tremendous stupendous horrendous as this entrance. Indeed who could hope to match the scene stopping power of, none other than, ( Hums fanfare) Sir Barrimore. ( Throwing his voice) Who is Barrimore? ( Back as himself) WHO IS BARRIMORE? You can’t be serious. You’ve never heard of him? Well listen intently, I will regail you. Sir Barrimore, Barrimore the bold, Barrimore the brave, Barrimore the best. Barrimore of The Old Wood, Barrimore of the New Wood, Barrimore of this rock. Barrimore son of Barrimee who was the son of Barridu, who was the nephew of Barridee. Barrimore! That’s me.

Was it not I who so valiantly saved the good kingdom of Glocknokespiel from the evil Giant, Malagnoktokton. Oh such a battle one has never seen. Tall as a tree he was, with long sturdy legs, and a big booming voice, and a beard so heavy it could be used as a club. There I stood sword ready. There he towered, beard swinging. He thought he could simply squish me by stepping on me. Big mistake, for I ducked between his toes and then ran up his heels. Scurrying and stabbing and stabbing and scurrying all up his body. He laughed at first, He laughed till hey realized he was very slowly bleeding to death and had to return to his lair to get some bandages. The town cheered, called me a hero, offered me their willing virgin daughters but I refused. How they pleaded, how they begged. Throwing their nubile bodies at mine, hoping they could seduce me with collected piled weight. But I was too mighty, and I knew there was only one maiden for me, the best one, and I shall remain pure for her, as pure as she is for me. She is in yonder castle, guarded jealously by an evil lord. I shall travail all the moats, drawbridges and, drawbridge engineers he can put in my way. I will have my princess, but first I must return to my camp, for I forgot my grappling hook. ( Runs off, another knight enters)

Rabbidu: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh such a day, oh such a place, oh such a... conceptual awakening as it is to be in this meadow. Look at the grass, so green, so vibrant. As if to greet me and send me off to succeed in my endeavors. Look at the sky, cheering me on it's heavenly language of clouds and sunshine. Look, right now it's saying hello. Hello sky, how are you today... oh that's wonderful, I'm doing pretty well myself.... ( giggles) oh thank you. Are you ready meadow? Are you ready tree? Are you ready rock? Are you ready other slightly smaller but still equally as good rock? You ought to be, you are going to be made a part of history. The stories and interpretations of your presence here shall puzzle and inspire scholars for ages. Which rock did Sir Rabbidu the Rapturous sit on before he completed his quest. Well to be fair, I'll sit on both of you. ( Goes to sit one then sits on the other rock) There that's just right. No one needs to feel left out when Sir Rabbidu the Rapturous is on the scene. Oh that's right tree, I haven't properly introduced myself. I am Sir Rabbidu. No not that Rabbidu but I can understand the confusion. There have been many Sir Rabbidu's. There has been Sir Rabbidu the regal, Sir Rabbidu the Rolicksom, Sir Rabbidu the Right, Sir Rabbidu the Wrong, Sir Rabbidu the Rabbidu of Rabbidu ( He was the first one) and I Sir Rabbidu the Raptuous.

So what sets me apart from all of other Rabbidu's? What makes me different from Raddidu the Rude, or Rabbidu the Rank, or Rabbidu Random? I am Rabbidu the Rapturous and hence I am raptuous. I am so rapturous in fact that, whenever I go undercover, I am unable to hide my positive disposition and must simply come up with an appropriate synonym. For instance, when I am in the dark kingdom of Draknakitum, I disguised myself as Jared the Jovial. When the evil witch Guuknookkaspook put a bounty on my head because I refused to wed her, I cleverly assumed the identity of Enel the Ecstatic. And when the terrible pirates of tallow's peer raided my ship to take me ransom, the could only find Hank the Happy. I earned my name not only from my own disposition. Due to my pheremones, I excrete a musk which makes everyone in a 20 ft radius naturally cheery. I do not revel in it, indeed it has made being a knight difficult at times. All of my great battles, and duels, and other activities where I ought to  be trying to kill someone end up with us going to the pub. Would you believe that I have yet to actually kill anyone yet? Not only that but because I have never killed anyone, I can never know woman because I have never actually gotten around to saving one. I suppose I could always find one that doesn't need to be saved, but where's the fun in that? To be this happy and pleasant is simply torture, especially because I am unable to revel in being unhappy because I am not really unhappy. My last chance at proper knighthood lies in yonder castle, where the most beautiful damsel awaits. Between her and I is an evil wizard who's name is unpronouncible. He has cast spells on all of the statues of the castle so that they have become stone monsters, without mercy, without reason, and without a sense of smell. My destiny as a Knight waits there and I will take it. Just as soon as I wash up for good measure. ( leaves, Barrimore Enters humming fanfare)

Barrimore: Again I find myself in this meadow, but not for long. Any moment now I shall embark on perhaps the most daring and exciting adventure I shall ever have. Indeed more glorious than the Mad Magician I fought on the peak of mount Maktor. More dynamic than the dragon of the durragon dungeons. More fantastic than when I fought and de-feathered the feared Flemish fifty foot flying falcon Feffinfofferfaf. It's actually too bad that this meadow isn't a little more ominous. Perhaps a little more blue than green, with a nice grey undertone. Perhaps a few thunder clouds. That tree could at least be a little more frightening. Why, today is more appropriate for a picnic than a battle. I suppose I could come back tomorrow and hope for a more imposing mise en scene. But if I do that, I suppose I'd have to change my entire schedule. Not only the rescue, but the escape, the trek across treacherous terrain, eventual wooing, a tragic seperation, a vow to reunite, a hair cut, miscellenius, and a triumphant reunion and marriage. Everything would be pushed back at least a day and then I'd have to consider weekends and holidays. No I'd best do this today, or face the consequences. I will simply cross this meadow with my eyes closed and let my imagination make everything as frightful as I see fit. ( Runs back off stage, Rabbidu enters)

Rabbidu: I am ready, all that stands between me and my beloved and the life affirming bloody battle beforehand is a few yards of ( Barrimore enters with a blind fold, humming fanfare to himself. The two bump into eachother)

Barrimore: Who is there? A ghost, a gremlin? Show yourselves, I'll split you in half. I'll carve you up like a melon.

Rabbidu: Stop that, I'm not a ghost or a gremlin.

Barrimore: Then why can't I see you?

Rabbidu: You have a blind fold on.

Barrimore: Touche ( takes off blindfold) Oh hello. I'm sorry sir I did not mean to bump you and then threaten you with murder.

Rabbidu: Oh that's quite alright.

Barrimore: I just feel awful. I remember I also called you a ghost and or a gremlin, which could not be good for your self esteem.

Rabbidu: Oh my self esteem is quite alright.

Barrimore: Excellent. Excuse me, are you a knight?

Rabbidu: Why yes I am.

Barrimore: You will not believe this incredible coincidence. I am also a knight.

Rabbidu: Oh that is wonderful. Good for you.

Barrimore: How wonderful it is to be knight.

Rabbidu: Wonders of wonders. You hit it on the head sir.

Barrimore: The mere title is enough to imbue us with meta human capabilities.

Rabbidu: As if the stars were lit, the world was shaped, and the feudal system was designed specifically to accomodate us.

Barrimore: With the strength to topple mountains.

Rabbidu: The beauty and grace to that could bring oneself to tears.

Barrimore: The divine gift of strategy and reason.

Rabbidu: The passion of the world throbbing in time with the heartbeat of god for us.

Barrimore: The constant reward of glory and honour.

Rabbidu: People to carry things for me.

Barrimore: We are gifted men.

Rabbidu: If only we could share our gifts.

Barrimore: If only we could, but alas it cannot be for that would be ungrateful to the people who gave us those gifts.

Rabbidu: Us.

Barrimore: And before one can be fair to someone else, one must be fair to himself.

Rabbidu: True, you speak with the reason of Socrates.

Barrimore: And you agree with the wisdom of Plato. Sir, I am currently on a quest and am attempting to cross this meadow blindfolded...

Rabbidu: ... so that you can pretend that you are travassing a much more ominous terrain, an excellent idea.

Barrimore: Would you assist me.

Rabbidu: If you will assist me also.

Barrimore: Of course ( is done up) now you do me.

Rabbidu: Here you go ( does up Barrimore) Friend. I have an excellent idea, what if I should spin you around till you were dizzy, this would not only make your adventure more scary, but also more dangerous and arduous.

Barrimore: You would do this for me?

Rabbidu: A favour from one knight to another. ( spins Barrimore) So sir, I have yet to ask what your quest is.

Barrimore: Well it is indeed interresting, you have made a wise enquiry. I am on my way to rescuing a maiden from yonder castle.

Rabbidu: (Pushes him away) Then we are enemies.

Barrimore: (facing the wrong way) Treachery, you may have fooled me once with your good manners and disarming aroma, but this time you will not be so lucky.

Rabbidu: Luck will have nothing to with me cutting you in half. Your time has run out coward. Where are you?

Barrimore: You will never find me until my sword finds you.

Rabbidu: Hah, you fell for my trick, my acute hearing has pinpointed your position. Prepare for the end! Hyah ( swings at tree).

Barrimore: Missed me!

Rabbidu: You may be fast, but you have again fallen for my trap. I now know for sure you are here. May death be as cruel as I. Huk! ( swings at nothing)

Barrimore: If I have any hopes of beating him, I must do more than dodge him, I will have to go on the offensive. Hwwooo ( Swings sword on opposite end of stage)

Rabbidu: Nice try, but no match for this. Nach! ( Swings sword)

Barrimore: Fear oblivion for it has found you. Snoo! ( swings sword.)

Rabbidu: Such swordsmanship as mine, deserves to be seen. Remove your blindfold, and I shall tutor you before you die.

Barrimore: I need no handicap. Remove your blindfold, I want my sword to be the last thing you see.

Rabbidu: Both of us on three.

Barrimore: 1

Rabbidu: 2

Together: 3 ( both remove blindfolds, look around and see each other on opposite ends of the stage. Both awkwardly come to the centre.)

Rabbidu: Well who are you anyways, sir. Your crest is obscure and not easily recognized.

Barrimore: That's quite alright, the masses are not ready to ingest a taste so strong as mine.

Rabbidu: That's a lot to swallow.

Barrimore: My name is Barrimore ( Pause)... Barrimore.

Rabbidu: Saying it a second time won't make me remember it. I've never heard of you.

Barrimore: Well who are you sir.

Rabbidu: Prepare yourself, I am Rabbidu the Raptuous.

Barrimore: Rabbidu the rapist?

Rabbidu: No... no... that's somebody else.

Barrimore: Well indeed I recognize the surname, but that is not all that is expected of a knight. There is also a matter of achievements.

Rabbidu: Oh pish, what have you done?

Barrimore: I have slain a giant.

Rabbidu: So what? ( turns away to think) I've killed two giants.

Barrimore: I've killed six.

Rabbidu: No you haven't, you said a, aaaaa giant. Singular. You at most have killed one giant, which is paltry compared to my killing two.

Barrimore: I believe you are lying sir.

Rabbidu: Oh?

Barrimore: I bet that you have not only not killed 2 giants, I bet that you have not even killed a giant, giving me the advantage. I also am pretty certain that you have not even seen a giant.

Rabbidu: Yes I have.

Barrimore: What do they look like?

Rabbidu: A person who is giant.

Barrimore: ( aside) He knows his giants I'll give him that. ( to Rabbidu) Fine. How did you kill this Gigantic Dynamic Duo?

Rabbidu: I tied their shoelaces together so that they tripped and fell on their backs, and the force of gravity made them fall so fast from their respected height that it broke their spines.

Barrimore: That's it?

Rabbidu: Yes that is it.

Barrimore: That was a horrible story.

Rabbidu: No it wasn't

Barrimore: A terrible tale.

Rabbidu: Now stop that

Barrimore: They ought to call you Rabbidu the Regrettable Raconteur.

Rabbidu: My story was elegant. There is beauty in brevity.

Barrimore: Brevity is one thing. I've heard a belch which had more going on.

Rabbidu: Well you are just being vulgar.

Barrimore: Well you are being a liar, because I know for a fact that your story is not true.

Rabbidu: What?

Barrimore: Giants don't wear shoes with laces, they only wear sandles.

Rabbidu: Really?

Barrimore: Really. They find shoes too restrictive.

Rabbidu: Well what difference does it make whether I killed a giant or not. 

Barrimore: You didn't.

Rabbidu: Nothing will stand in the way of me rescuing my true beloved from yonder castle.

Barrimore: Not true because I will stand in your way because that is my beloved in yonder castle.

Rabbidu: No she isn't she is my beloved.

Barrimore: How do you know? Have you ever met her?

Rabbidu: Have you ever met her?

Barrimore:... She is my beloved.

Rabbidu: She is mine. ( both start wrestling their ways towards the audience.) All my life I've been told that I am to save the lady of the black castle.

Barrimore: Black Castle? You don't even know what castle her castle is, it's grey.

Rabbidu: Shows what you know. Look... it's black. ( points out to audience stage left)

Barrimore: What are you talking about. It's obviously grey. ( points out to audience stage right. Both look at their fingers and then move them to where the other one was pointing)

Both: Oh.

Barrimore: There are two evil castles within 12 yards of each other.

Rabbidu: Well this is a happy coincidence. We can both have our own adventure and girl.

Barrimore: Yes I like this.

Rabbidu: Well good luck to you. Now if you excuse me, I must rescue the most beautiful girl in the world.

Barrimore: Yes... But you do mean the second most beautiful girl in the world.

Rabbidu: No. I mean the first most beautiful girl in the world, and the most exciting adventure. I mean... come on, it's a black castle.

Barrimore: I am well aware of it's shade, but I don't really think that having a black castle put all that more adventure or beautiful damsels in it. In fact, the only thing I would really believe either would have more of would be dust. And if it's particularly dry there... dandruff.

Rabbidu: Well what of your castle? Grey? What is there to say about grey. Nothing. Every castle is grey. How can you even be sure that that castle is the correct one. For all you know it might be the castle of some random accountant. Go ahead kill the accountant and claim his virgin daughter ( with a gross voice) Margery.

Barrimore: I know it is the correct castle because the legend said that it would be right next to the garish all black one. Black! It's the idea that everyone gets but are smart enough not to do because they know that in the summer it will be muggier than a swamp. Go have fun rescuing your sweat stained delirious princess.

Rabbidu: My princess is a radiant flower. 

Barrimore: As is mine. You've never even seen yours.

Rabbidu: Neither have you.

Barrimore: I've had people explain her to me though.

Rabbidu: So have I. This will be the test.

Barrimore: Mine is blonde, fair, pale, and beautiful.

Rabbidu: ( Who knows that his is the exactly the same.) Is there anything else.

Barrimore: I've been told that she has lips like rose petals.

Rabbidu: Mine has lips like cherries... Are her eyes like shining pools?

Barrimore: No, her eyes are like saphires... perhaps there is still the chance that we are dealing with the same person.

Rabbidu: Tell you what. We'll choose the description that we like better. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Now which do you like? Roses and saphires or cherries and shining pools?

Barrimore: Well I do like saphires... but at the same time, you can eat cherries.

Rabbidu: And rose petals do have a more appealing shape... but then again... what swims beneath those shining pools. (  Both are lost in thought. A farm girl enters.)

Farm Girl: Excuse me gentlemen, are you lost?

Barrimore: What? Oh... no.

Rabbidu: We are contemplating who should save who.

Farm Girl: Why don't you take turns.

Barrimore: No... we mean, which girl we should save from yonder castles.

Farm Girl: Well if it were up to me, I'd save that one. Although at the same time I probably wouldn't save either of em, cause I'm a girl and all.

Rabbidu: Why would you save that one? Have you seen both of them?

Farm Girl: Oh yes. I deliver bread and meat and cheese, staples of a good strong healthy diet, to both of them ladies. Howee, it's scary work though, both places are certainly dangerous.

Barrimore: So the one in the black castle is the more beautiful one?

Farm Girl: Oh my yes. The other one is attractive too, but she has a mole while the one in the grey castle does not. You could say that she's less attractive than the other one because she has a freckle. But i'm sorry, where I comes from, freckles is freckles, and moles is moles.

Rabbidu: Indeed, that is true. Freckles are freckles while moles are definitely moles. I bid you both ado. 

Farm Girl: Certainly lucky too. Because she also has less things guardin her. The other girl on the other hand has all sorts of terrible things goin protectin her from potential knight. Now the black castle does have it's fair share of creepy crawlies in there. It's got guards, and a moat, and some horribly ugly monsters. But the grey castle, has that certain something extra. That extra little glint in everyones eye that they won't kill you right away, but will slowly torture you instead. Cutting off bits and pieces of you so that you slowly don't recognize yourself anymore. Almost like they're trying to bleed out your soul. You know that sort of look. That and their moat has crocodiles while the other one only has alligators. And where I come from crocodiles is crocodiles while alligators is alligators.

Barrimore: Exactly, crocodiles are crocodiles while alligators are still only alligators. Thank you miss. Enjoy your befreckled lady Rabbidu.

Farm Girl: It's so nice to see everyone getting along.

Rabbidu: Wait! Now don't be so hasty. We don't need to make up our minds yet.

Barrimore: Why not?

Rabbidu: Because... well you'd rather have a pretty girl without all that trouble wouldn't you.

Barrimore: Well...

Rabbidu: Instead of straining so hard for ... for second best... oh dear... my plan has backfired.

Barrimore: What plan?

Rabbidu: My plan to convince you to take my girl while I go and get more glory with the other one. But by trying to convince you, I've unconvinced myself and now I'm not sure which I want.

Barrimore: Well why did you have to ruin it for me? I don't want to have to choose between having a hideous girl with glory or a beautiful girl with no glory.

Farm Girl: Neither of them is hideous, the one just has a mole is all.

Rabbidu: Cursed men are we...

Barrimore: It's your fault. I never really considered it until you piped in.

Rabbidu: I don't even know if I want either anymore.

Barrimore: Neither do I. It seems so pointless.

Farm Girl: Alot of boys seem to have this sort of fight. Sometimes, I wonder, why not pay attention to old Rebecca. I'm just about as pretty as either of those girls. And I aint got no blemishes. But no, it's always got to be a princess.

(Rabbidu and Barrimore look at eachother)

Barrimore: She's right!

Rabbidu: Why were we so blind. Here we are fighting over some girls all the way over there when there is a perfectly good girl right here.

Barrimore: And who needs an army when one on one combat is so much more dramatic.

Rabbidu: Two souls locked in mortal combat.

Barrimore: Our bodies heaving and striking.

Rabbidu: Till the final strike, when one will become the victor.

Farm Girl: Oh my this is so exciting.

Barrimore: Are you ready to die this time?

Rabbidu: I'm always ready to die. It's too bad that you aren't, it will be so much more surprising.

Barrimore: En garde, Rabbidu the Rabbit!

( The two fight. pause at a parry)

Barrimore: If you make love the way you fight, it would be fair to both Roberta and I if you'd just kill yourself now.

Rabbidu: I'm just getting warmed up.

( The two fight again. pause at a parry)

Barrimore: Barrimore and Raquelle has a nice ring to it don't you think?

Rabbidu: What are you talking about, Rabbidu and Raquelle sounds much better.

Barrimore: No it does not.

Rabbidu: Yes it does, it's even alliterative.

( The two fight again. Rabbidu is pushed to the ground. Barrimore is about to make his move but Rabbidu puts up his sword so that both have swords pointed at vital areas.)

Rabbidu: So it has come to this.

Barrimore: I must say I am surprised.

Rabbidu: Are you ready to do it?

Barrimore: Yes are you?

Rabbidu: Yes.

Barrimore: I'm sorry it had to end like this.

Rabbidu: So am I, I was even hoping that there was a chance that we could both survive.

Farm Girl: This is so exciting, If only my sister was here to see this.

( Both look at her)

Barrimore: You have a sister?

Farm Girl: Oh yes... An identical twin sister. Some would say that it was like looking at a mirror when you saw the two of us together.

Rabbidu: Does she have any defects?

Farm Girl: No she's my sister.

Barrimore: What's her name?

Farm Girl: Beth.

Rabbidu: ( Asks Barrimore) What is you're opinion of alliteration?

Barrimore: I don't mind it.

Farm Girl: Are you still going to kill each other? Because now that I think about it, Beth doesn't have a beau and would probably take a fancy to one of you.

Barrimore: What about the two ladies over there?

Farm Girl: Oh don't worry about them, some other knights will come and try to get em and probably die in the process. In the end you're probably both better off with me and Beth. With us everything is nice and symmetrical. Now you boys go ahead to me cabin and tell Beth all about it. She'll prepare you some stew and I'll be right over after I feed the princesses. ( leaves)

Barrimore: ( to Rabbidu) Do you have a fanfare?

Rabbidu: No I don't.

Barrimore: Would you like to hear mine?

Rabbidu: Alright. ( They exit)